The Challenge of Emotion Regulation: Expectations on Children, Struggles of Adults

By: David D. Robertson MA, MSW LLMSW

As a clinician and the founder of the tech nonprofit, Hope Is Foundation, I face the daily challenge of connecting people to resources and reducing harm in difficult situations. Today's blog focuses on emotion regulation as a fundamental aspect of mental well-being and interpersonal relationships. It is a noteworthy paradox that exists in our society, where many adults struggle with regulating their own emotions while simultaneously expecting children to possess this skill. Let’s examine a few implications and then check out the tips to support adults in their journey towards better emotional regulation. Drawing from reputable sources, my goal is to shed light on this complex topic and provide practical guidance. I also commend the insights shared by @the.holistic.psychologist, who has brought attention to this important issue.

Understanding the Expectations:

The societal expectation for children to regulate their emotions while adults may struggle with the same is a curious phenomenon. According to research, this expectation stems from various factors, including cultural and societal norms, misperceptions about emotional development, and a lack of awareness about the challenges adults face in this domain (Smith et al., 2019). Furthermore, the pressure to conform to societal standards often leads adults to project their unmet emotional needs onto their children, inadvertently intensifying the stress on young shoulders (Benson, 2018).

Several factors contribute to the difficulties adults face in regulating their emotions. Childhood experiences, such as trauma or neglect, can significantly impact emotional regulation later in life (McLaughlin et al., 2019). Additionally, the fast-paced and demanding nature of modern life, coupled with societal expectations and limited emotional education, further compound the challenges faced by adults (Fernandez-Berrocal & Extremera, 2016). It is important to recognize that adults can suffer from grief and trauma, which can have a significant impact on their emotional well-being.

Recognizing the need for support, here are five practical tips to assist adults in their journey towards improved emotion regulation:

1. Self-Awareness and Reflection:

Encourage individuals to develop self-awareness by reflecting on their emotions, triggers, and patterns of response. This process allows for a deeper understanding of emotional reactivity and paves the way for intentional and conscious regulation strategies (Greenberg et al., 2016).

2. Seeking Professional Help:

Encourage individuals to seek professional support from therapists or psychologists who specialize in emotion regulation. Through therapy, individuals can gain valuable insights, learn effective coping mechanisms, and develop healthier emotional regulation strategies (Gross, 2015).

3. Mindfulness and Meditation:

Practicing mindfulness and meditation can significantly enhance emotional regulation skills. Engaging in these practices helps individuals develop present-moment awareness, reduce reactivity, and cultivate self-compassion, ultimately leading to improved emotion regulation (Hölzel et al., 2011).

4. Building a Supportive Network:

Creating a supportive network of friends, family, or support groups can be instrumental in the journey towards better emotional regulation. Sharing experiences, seeking guidance, and receiving validation from others who understand and empathize can provide a valuable source of support and encouragement (Kirmayer et al., 2011).

5.Utilizing Feelings Wheels for Improved Communication:

One effective tool for enhancing emotional regulation and communication is the use of feelings wheels. These visual representations of emotions help individuals identify and articulate their feelings more effectively. Feelings wheels can enhance self-awareness, improve communication skills, aid in conflict resolution, and promote empathy and understanding within families. Incorporating feelings wheels into daily practices can greatly benefit emotional regulation and communication skills.

The disconnect between adults struggling with emotion regulation and the expectation for children to possess this skill highlights an important societal issue. It is crucial to acknowledge and address this paradox, fostering a culture of empathy and understanding. Much appreciation again to @the.holistic.psychologist for bringing attention to this matter, shedding light on the challenges faced by adults, including grief and trauma, and advocating for a more compassionate approach. By implementing the suggested tips and supporting individuals in their pursuit of emotional well-being, we can create a society that fosters healthier emotional regulation for both children and adults alike.

Cited Sources:

- Benson, J. (2018). Emotionally healthy children: Helping children calm, center, and make smarter choices. New Harbinger Publications.

- Fernandez-Berrocal, P., & Extremera, N. (2016). Ability emotional intelligence, depression, and well-being. Emotion Review, 8(4), 311-315.

- Greenberg, L. S., Rice, L. N., & Elliott, R. (Eds.). (2016). Facilitating emotional change: The moment-by-moment process. Guilford Publications.

- Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1-26.

- Hölzel, B. K., Lazar, S. W., Gard, T., Schuman-Olivier, Z., Vago, D. R., & Ott, U. (2011). How does mindfulness meditation work? Proposing mechanisms of action from a conceptual